Unfulfilling Prophesy

The Rapha 500, despite the best of intentions, ended in spookily similar fashion to my alternative and likely programme, as opposed to the idealistic scenario mapped out here.

Every school report I ever had made the same points repeatedly: could do better; must try harder; wasting undoubted talent. My teachers knew a slacker when they saw one. It’s a fair cop. Nothing’s going to change now, but it was fun trying… or sort of trying.

• Thursday 23rd: Totally washed out due to delayed flight into Luton because of snow. Fall asleep on sofa.
As predicted, arrived back in London in the middle of the night after spending most of the day in airports. Totally washed out.


• Friday 24th: Presents to wrap and work to finish before break. Manage half hour on turbo.
Emails dealt with, but Sainsburys, the wine shop and the queue at a cheese emporium take up remains of the day. No turbo.


• Saturday 25th: Eat, drink, be merry
Surrounded by hacking and sniffling relatives, leading to lurgy paranoia. Hope copious quantities of Kiwi Pinot Noir will kill any lurking germs.


• Sunday 26th: Family coming for lunch. Riding out of the question.
Actually manage to slip out on the ‘cross bike for an hour blast round an icy Peckham Rye. Legs feel lumpier than the kid’s Christmas stockings and lungs struggle to inflate. An incident involving a small dog and one of those infernal extendable leads finish off a throughly forgettable ride. Switch to Argentinian Malbec to aid clearance of memory.


• Monday 27th: Ride to ‘cross race 50km

Subsonic, ultra-powerful sneezing takes hold. Stops short of full-blown man-flu, but racing out of the question. Curse relatives and their bugs and spend day moping around on sofa.

• Tuesday 28th: Apparently, stripping wallpaper in the summer does not qualify as ‘decorating the bedroom’. Drive to Homebase.
Mrs C throws an impromptu belated birthday party. Spend day cooking chilli con carne for 30 people. Throw in lots of extra chillies for my own ‘kill or cure’ benefit.


• Wednesday 29th: Apply Homebase products to wall.
Convince Mrs C that distressed walls are so this season and make hasty exit for gentle 40km on the ‘cross bike in the drizzle. Feeling good, which can only be attributed to the antioxidant properties of chilli con carne and a good Cabernet Sauvignon. A mere 440km to knock out tomorrow, then…


• Thursday 30th: More snow. One hour on turbo before head falls off. Spend evening compiling New Year’s resolutions.
No snow, thankfully, so head out to the hills of Kent for a very enjoyable 100km in the lanes, giving me a grand total of 160km for the week. Resolve to continue haphazard fitness regime in 2011.

Happy New Year from all at Rouleur.